Pride and Prejudice

On the eve of the Isle of Man’s first Festival of Pride, the Isle of Man Green Party Deputy Leader Lamara Craine writes about her experiences as a bisexual female growing up in the Isle of Man and changing perceptions of the LGBTQ+ community.

Everybody’s journey is different, but they all start somewhere. I suppose I never really realised that I was bisexual until a good few years after I became sexually active. I’d had super close, affectionate friendships with female friends during my teenage years. I recall my mum commenting that people would think I was gay by the way I was holding my friend’s hand and kissing her when we were waiting in the queue in the chippy. I don’t think either of us realised it at the time that we would come out years later!

It’s strange because I had never considered it while growing up. I suppose I just didn’t see it as an option. Everything I saw around me, everything I saw on television, everything I heard about, it was always a man and a woman. Embarrassingly, I remember even squirming uncomfortably when I saw my first gay kiss on tv. I’d always called my friends ‘gay’ if they did anything stupid. It was an insult. ‘God, you’re so GAY!’ is what we used to scream at each other in the playground. No wonder I had never even considered that I may be physically and emotionally attracted to another woman. Thank goodness for personal growth and changing perceptions, hey! It was literally still so taboo and for ‘other people’, not us.

Fast forward to sixth form college, it started to click that I just might have a crush on the luscious tv actress, Jessica Alba. Somehow the penny just dropped that I was attracted to her and that maybe I might actually be bi. I accosted two of my close friends, confided in them and to my astonishment, they both turned round and said ‘yeh we know!’. I was like, hmm ok. They clearly got the memo before I did! Was it self-denial? Was it growing up in an environment which made it difficult to understand these feelings? Was it even worrying that I might be ‘one of them’? Yes, probably a little of all of those.

Internalised homophobia can lead to some of the most heinous crimes against gays. We’ve all seen it, depicted in numerous tv shows and films, big hard football jock picks on gay kid, then tries it on with him. Yes, that is internalised homophobia. Hating yourself for what you are because you think the world will hate you if you are honest and open about how you feel and who you are. It’s incredibly sad really. People have lived lives full of self-hatred, pain and even decided to take their pain away by paying the ultimate price. I was lucky. My friends knew before I did. My friends had already accepted me before I even thought I needed acceptance.

At university, I fell in love with my first girlfriend. Our friendship had blossomed into real love. Something I had been waiting a long time for. I called my mum in Yorkshire and told her I’d fallen in love, she asked me ‘what’s his name?’. Thankfully, she was just as delighted when I mentioned the female alternative name to Stephen. The same phone call was placed to my father back in the Isle of Man. The conversation more-or-less went the same, he was happy and accepting but he immediately highlighted his concern and warned me to be careful back home on the Isle of Man. I expected this, after all, the island was several decades behind the UK.

When we moved back to the island after university, my partner was still in the closet. As an open and honest kind of gal, it was tricky for me to keep up the pretence that we were just friends and that I had a boyfriend somewhere. Such was life on the island, our town is small and close-knit. It would get round the Ramsey rumour mill in no time if we came out. Christ knows what people would think!

As the years went by, my partner of the time found the strength to be true to who she is. Life was easier. Sometimes even entertaining. Particularly whilst on the dancefloor in Nightlife when prospective gents would try their luck! Ten years later, life is incomparable to those days. I barely even consider my sexuality as an issue. It isn’t. Sometimes I even forget! I’m just in love with somebody. In love with a beautiful, strong and caring person who supports me in life just as much as I support them. Makes no odds that person is a woman.

I can imagine though that there are young LGBTQ+ kids out there, going through the same self-realisation stages, the same predicaments, maybe even worse. I think I’m definitely one of the luckier ones. I can’t recall experiencing any incidents or even hate crimes. I know that others weren’t and aren’t so lucky.

Over recent years, I have noticed that the anti-gay sentiment has shifted. It appears that the type of homophobia that is fashionable these days is transphobia. It’s like the people who were stuck in their ways have finally accepted gay men and women, because society has made them. But hold on! You can’t just change your gender! You have either dangly bits between your legs or not. Well I have news for these people. You will be relegated to the history books just as the homophobic sentiments of yesteryear have been. One day, when the concept that gender is a social construct is fully understood and accepted, transphobia will just be as condemned in our society as homophobia is now. And personally, I can’t wait for that day. I have to admit it. It has been a learning curve for me too. I’m not transgender. I’m happy with my socially constructed gender and I’m happy in my own body (well, sometimes!). It’s harder to put yourself in someone else’s shoes when you can’t relate because you are not experiencing those feelings yourself. It’s a complex situation, but just because you may not understand it fully, doesn’t mean it’s wrong. My advice is, listen, grow and most of all respect. We’ll get there one day. And that day can’t come too soon.

One of the core principles of the Isle of Man Green Party is Respect for Diversity, (the Isle of Man Green Party Principles can be found HERE) and the Party supports the celebration of diversity and respectful inclusion that is highlighted this weekend at Isle of Pride. The event is taking place at the Villa Marina Gardens on the 12th June 2021.

Whats On Guide to Isle of Pride can be found HERE.

Access Guide for Isle of Pride event HERE.

Isle of Man Green Party Deputy Leader Lamara Craine.jpeg

Listen, Grow, Respect

We’ll get there one day. And that day can’t come too soon.